Monday, July 28, 2014

Fear Is NOT An Option -- Day 5.5 (WARNING: Explicit Content)

Sitting at the airport in Siem Reap, Cambodia about to board Malaysia Airline to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Yes, you read right Malaysia Airline to Kuala Lumpur, the morning after the downed Malaysia Airline plane over the Ukraine that was headed to Kuala Lumpur then on to Bali. Our exact flight pattern and destinations! WTF can we do?

Fear is not an option. My first thought was (of course) ‘Wow, we are at the center of it all, maybe we should file a report for someone when we reach the Kuala Lumpur airport!’ CNN? Al Jazeera? BBC? CNBC? Huffington Post? Okay, how about Babs Blabs?

Reporting Live (thank God) from Malaysia: “Things are quiet here this mourning as people are in shock at yet another downed Malaysia Airline plane. Passengers are being blessed by all forms of priest and monks before boarding the aircrapt. A traditional healer has been brought in to take the curse off Malaysia Airlines.”


Monks be like: I'm coming, I'm coming
Monks be like: Blessings my child but that's my window seat

Nah, forget reporting, I’m on vacation.

My darling daughter is taking another Malaysian Air flight from Phnom Penh to Kuala Lumpur then to Bali—I’m more concerned for her than myself, but hopefully we will all end up at the beach in Bali having a wonderful time.

Actually no one here seems very concerned—we have a few flight delays but that will just give us more time to see Kuala Lumpur and their twin towers –The Petronas Towers.

One of the queens at airport
On another note--Why is there a big ass Dairy Queen at Siem Reaps little airport? Why not a Jackfruit Queen? Or an Angkor Queen? Never mind, one just walked by, dressed quite well I must say. Love your pumps girl!

Overheard Malaysia Airlines new theme:
“Because we suck, everyone can use our 1st class lounge—if you can find it.”

Made it safely to Malaysia on a horrible smelling plane. It was a scary, bumpy flight but my Dr. Dre noise reduction Beats headset (mine are BeAts) got me thru it.  They didn’t have much good music on the plane but I did take a walk down memory lane with Burt Bacharach’s Greatest Hits. (Hey that was the only name I recognized) OMG he must have written all the music of the 1960’s &  70’s! He wrote Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head and Walk On By to name a few. Dionne Warwick sang most of them. They deserve a lot more Respect (he didn’t write that) and admiration than we have remembered to give them.  Dionne Warwick was doing Whitney Houston before her little cousin was. Whitney was really Dionne-2.0.

I am where?
WTH. They are now telling us that our flight will be delayed by FIVE hours because as of July 1 planes cannot fly into the Indonesian airport between midnight and 6am. WTF They’ve known this since July 1 and they couldn’t have told us before now? An email, message on their site, a change when we look up our tickets? Something!

Now what? A ten hour layover?!
Oh, they are putting us all up in a hotel and there’s a special shuttle to take us there AND they will wake and pick us up in the morning? Ok, I forgive them the horribly smelling plane we just got off of. They are so nice about it all.

Wait, (screeching in my tracks) Oh no, all is not forgiven! It takes 40 minutes to get to the “hotel” and it is, to put it mildly—A SHIT HOLE! We ask the front desk what it would cost to go into the city. They tell us it’s too late (9pm) for public trans and a cab would cost us $100.

F-it take us back to the airport, we’d rather sleep standing up than stay here. Back on the bus…

racing luggage carts
At the airport there’s nothing to do so we play race the luggage carts and look for a bar—this is no small feat. After hours of wandering we find one in another terminal.  
Where's the bar?

We board our plane at 4:15am and it’s a pretty full flight. Yes, finally on our way to Bali. Greg & I aren’t seated together and, of course, I get a kid in the middle seat next to me. He’s about ten and keeps bumping and kicking and squirming—isn’t it past his bedtime?
Hopefully this plane will get us to paradise soon-–the one on earth (this is Malaysia Airlines I need to be specific.) 

We made it to paradise in spite of Malaysia Airlines.

Grade for Malaysia Airline: a big fat F-
I understand that you lost a plane this morning, which was absolutely NOT your fault (the other one earlier this year was your fault.) If you are upset, which no body seemed to be, then ground your fleet and get it together. We will understand, really we will. 

But is it too much to ask that you clean the plane before each flight? The plane from Siem Reap to Kuala Lumpur smelled like (excuse me if this is offensive) deep fried funky azz crack! I was hoping someone would fart to freshen the air. The second flight from Kuala Lumpur to Bali had horrible service. I was given hot water to drink and when I asked for another it had something floating in it. Hmm maybe I’m not that thirsty.

My advice dear travellers: Don’t fly Malaysia Airlines, not because it may fall out of the air but because you may fall out in the air.